Valentines Day 2011

I haven't updated this in quite a while, don't think anyone is actually reading it, are you? If you are let me know.

Well, it's valentines day, weird having it on a Monday, I have to work tonight, last night before I turned in I left a card and some candy on the bed for "her" ... she was hanging out with the kids, I never even saw her until about 3:30 this morning when I woke up. She didn't say anything to me except go back to sleep. Not even a thank you for the card or candy. We're over, that's all I can say. I know I've said it before, but this time it's real. Last Saturday night we really had it out, she told me pretty much that she's moving out as soon as the time is right, I tried to get her to tell me that she's got someone new already, I know she does, but it's a computer thing/text msg thing right now. Soon, maybe by this summer she'll be out of my life, again. I don't care anymore ... I can't live like this anymore. I'd rather be along than in a loveless relationship.

I don't even feel like trying anymore. Like I said, I don't know for sure that there's someone else, but it sure feels like it.

Anyone can be sweet and loving in a long distance relationship, over the phone, on computer whatever ... that's not real life. That doesn't include paying her bills, putting up with her kids noise all night long.

I swear she makes the asshole come out of me, bigger and badder.

I want to be nice, I want to be loving and caring ... but she makes it difficult.

What can I say, I want to love and be loved, but it's never going to happen the way things are right now.

Maybe it'll be a little more tolerable after her brother moves out and gets on with his life, I've only been supporting him for almost 8 years now ... 43 years old, get the fuck out of my house already!!!