Purple Heart Clothing Company

I need to get some shit handled.  

Don't ever buy anything from a company called Purple Heart Clothing Company.  

They are a scam, a rip off ... they take your order, take your money and don't ship what you ordered.  Nobody can even return an freakin' email.

One more time, stay away from Purple Heart Clothing.

No good news

I haven't posted anything here for a while. Since my past post I've been to the hospital twice, first time I was diagnosed with diabetes ... I sign myself out, they wanted me to stay and do more tests, I couldn't handle sitting in the hospital.
So about two weeks later my doctor says, you need to get to the emergency room and have a CT scan and an MRI of your abdomen. I get in to the ER, get admitted a few hours later. Long story short, I have liver cancer. I started chemo this past Thursday, I go back next Thursday. It sucks as much as you may have heard.
From all that I've read I've got about a 12.5% chance I surviving more than 5 years. That really sucks. I've got a bucket list full of things to do, and haven't even started any of them yet. =(

Well, that's the update for now. Comment if you like.

Constant Pain

Well, yesterday began my 8th week of almost continuous abdominal pains. To make it even better, I've been nauseous for about 5 days now. All in all I feel like crap. I have no idea how much weight I've lost, but it's pretty substantial, mostly due to the fact that anything I eat hurts my stomach. We went to sweet tomatoes salad bar last Friday and I could barely finish my plate of salad, not normal for me. I can barely even look at meat. Mostly for the last few weeks I've been eating salad, fruit, yogurt, cereal and toast, and an occasional bagel.
Tomorrow I finally go to the Doctor, I'm hoping for REALLY bad news so I can look forward to the end, the end of a lot of things, mostly my living arrangement. I'm looking forward to telling her that I'm dying and that she needs to find a new means of support, cuz I won't be around much longer. I'm sure she'll try to turn it around that I'm doing this on purpose, just to get back at her. Yeah, I'm dying (hopefully) just to inconvenience her.

I'll post more in a day or two ... with some good news, or bad news depending on how you want to look at it.

My Daily Life (SUCKS)

Not that anyone reads this or gives a crap ... I was just thinking how f'd up my daily life really is.
Here's a summary of it:

Wake up between 5 and 5:30 am (when I can)
Drive to work
WORK -- sometimes interesting fun projects but usually the same old crap with a different name.
Lunch at noon ... eat some crap my g/f cooked the night before.
Work until 5:30 or 6pm.
Drive to job number two.
Punch in, and get the theatre ready for the evenings show.
Wait around til 7pm, house lights on, wait til 8pm to start the show.
Wait some more til the end of the show, usually 9:30 to 10pm. Take care of any post show work, usually just wait around delaying going home, cuz my home life sux.

Between 10:30 and 11pm .. head home.
Get home, feed my fish, top off the aquarium water, take a shower, pack a lunch for the following day.

Then the fun begins, most people know where' they're going to be sleeping ... not me, every night it's a fight, lately it's been the family room couch. If I'm lucky I get to sleep my 12:30, if I'm even luckier I don't get disturbed ... usually not at all lucky, someone always has to wake me, or keep me from getting to sleep.

Then sleep a few hours, then get up and do it all over again ... doesn't this sound like a life you'd love to have for yourself?

I HATE IT MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY!!!

I WANT OUT!!!

If you've always wanted to kill someone, KILL ME, PLEASE ... help me out, get me out of my life, it fuckin' sucks!!!!

I wake up every morning asking that someone shoot me, you can use my gun ... PLEASE!!!!

Just shoot me!!!!

Valentines Day 2011

I haven't updated this in quite a while, don't think anyone is actually reading it, are you? If you are let me know.

Well, it's valentines day, weird having it on a Monday, I have to work tonight, last night before I turned in I left a card and some candy on the bed for "her" ... she was hanging out with the kids, I never even saw her until about 3:30 this morning when I woke up. She didn't say anything to me except go back to sleep. Not even a thank you for the card or candy. We're over, that's all I can say. I know I've said it before, but this time it's real. Last Saturday night we really had it out, she told me pretty much that she's moving out as soon as the time is right, I tried to get her to tell me that she's got someone new already, I know she does, but it's a computer thing/text msg thing right now. Soon, maybe by this summer she'll be out of my life, again. I don't care anymore ... I can't live like this anymore. I'd rather be along than in a loveless relationship.

I don't even feel like trying anymore. Like I said, I don't know for sure that there's someone else, but it sure feels like it.

Anyone can be sweet and loving in a long distance relationship, over the phone, on computer whatever ... that's not real life. That doesn't include paying her bills, putting up with her kids noise all night long.

I swear she makes the asshole come out of me, bigger and badder.

I want to be nice, I want to be loving and caring ... but she makes it difficult.

What can I say, I want to love and be loved, but it's never going to happen the way things are right now.

Maybe it'll be a little more tolerable after her brother moves out and gets on with his life, I've only been supporting him for almost 8 years now ... 43 years old, get the fuck out of my house already!!!

Live Cam

New chick at the Bagel Hut