My Daily Life (SUCKS)

Not that anyone reads this or gives a crap ... I was just thinking how f'd up my daily life really is.
Here's a summary of it:

Wake up between 5 and 5:30 am (when I can)
Drive to work
WORK -- sometimes interesting fun projects but usually the same old crap with a different name.
Lunch at noon ... eat some crap my g/f cooked the night before.
Work until 5:30 or 6pm.
Drive to job number two.
Punch in, and get the theatre ready for the evenings show.
Wait around til 7pm, house lights on, wait til 8pm to start the show.
Wait some more til the end of the show, usually 9:30 to 10pm. Take care of any post show work, usually just wait around delaying going home, cuz my home life sux.

Between 10:30 and 11pm .. head home.
Get home, feed my fish, top off the aquarium water, take a shower, pack a lunch for the following day.

Then the fun begins, most people know where' they're going to be sleeping ... not me, every night it's a fight, lately it's been the family room couch. If I'm lucky I get to sleep my 12:30, if I'm even luckier I don't get disturbed ... usually not at all lucky, someone always has to wake me, or keep me from getting to sleep.

Then sleep a few hours, then get up and do it all over again ... doesn't this sound like a life you'd love to have for yourself?

I HATE IT MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY!!!

I WANT OUT!!!

If you've always wanted to kill someone, KILL ME, PLEASE ... help me out, get me out of my life, it fuckin' sucks!!!!

I wake up every morning asking that someone shoot me, you can use my gun ... PLEASE!!!!

Just shoot me!!!!

Valentines Day 2011

I haven't updated this in quite a while, don't think anyone is actually reading it, are you? If you are let me know.

Well, it's valentines day, weird having it on a Monday, I have to work tonight, last night before I turned in I left a card and some candy on the bed for "her" ... she was hanging out with the kids, I never even saw her until about 3:30 this morning when I woke up. She didn't say anything to me except go back to sleep. Not even a thank you for the card or candy. We're over, that's all I can say. I know I've said it before, but this time it's real. Last Saturday night we really had it out, she told me pretty much that she's moving out as soon as the time is right, I tried to get her to tell me that she's got someone new already, I know she does, but it's a computer thing/text msg thing right now. Soon, maybe by this summer she'll be out of my life, again. I don't care anymore ... I can't live like this anymore. I'd rather be along than in a loveless relationship.

I don't even feel like trying anymore. Like I said, I don't know for sure that there's someone else, but it sure feels like it.

Anyone can be sweet and loving in a long distance relationship, over the phone, on computer whatever ... that's not real life. That doesn't include paying her bills, putting up with her kids noise all night long.

I swear she makes the asshole come out of me, bigger and badder.

I want to be nice, I want to be loving and caring ... but she makes it difficult.

What can I say, I want to love and be loved, but it's never going to happen the way things are right now.

Maybe it'll be a little more tolerable after her brother moves out and gets on with his life, I've only been supporting him for almost 8 years now ... 43 years old, get the fuck out of my house already!!!